Faltering Read online

  We’re stopped at a traffic light when I do a double take—I’ve spotted a familiar-looking face. I blink again. The guy on the street isn’t who I thought it was—Dean, my first real boyfriend. It’s hard to admit to myself now, but one of the reasons I didn’t leave home right after high school was because of Dean. He was going to the local college and I didn’t want to leave him. I had imagined we would always be together. God, how young and naive I was! With my dad gone and my mom so unavailable, I was so eager for someone to love me that I ignored all the warning signs.

  I shake these thoughts out of my head and concentrate on the present. I’m here now, ready to start my life, and this time I’m not going to get sidetracked by anyone. Even Alec.

  Jonathon gives me a slight push on the shoulder, knocking me out of my daydreams. “Hey, there’s my dorm, right down that street.” I look out the window at the large gray building with lots of windows. Students are all around the busy street lined with coffee shops and bookstores.

  “My apartment isn’t much farther away. We’ll be like neighbors.” I smile, comforted to know Jonathon will be close by. Sometimes I feel like my brother is the only person in the world I can really count on.

  A couple of minutes later, the taxi pulls up to my new apartment building, it’s a little outside the center of the city, but still on the green line of the T and not far from my new job. The street is nice and tree-lined, with tall streetlamps and a wide sidewalk. The buildings in this area are older, well-kept brownstones.

  Jonathan grabs my luggage while I pay the taxi driver.

  “Are you sure you don’t need any help getting settled?”

  “No, I’ll be fine. I’m eager to meet my new roommate.” This is not really the truth. In fact, I’m eager to be alone so I can wallow a little and miss Alec. Pretending I’m fine is draining my energy.

  “Okay, well I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

  “Yeah, that would be great. Want to grab lunch? You can show me around.”

  “Sounds good.” He gives me a brief hug and then he is off.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I dig through my bag to find the keys the rental agent sent me.

  Because of the time change, and my long nap on the flight, it feels like early morning, not late afternoon. I haven’t met my new roommate—we both used the college’s roommate finder—and I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been the most outgoing person, and it can take me a little while to warm up to someone. Plus, I like my own space.

  I fumble with the key a little and then push the door open. No one is here. I’m a relieved to have time to look around for myself and get settled. It’s been a long trip back and I need a shower.

  The apartment is pretty spacious. It’s a two bedroom, two bath, with a small but functional kitchen open to the living area. It looks like my roommate has just arrived as well—there are a couple of boxes lying in the middle of the room. The place came furnished, and it’s not too bad. There’s a comfortable-looking brown leather sofa, a reclining chair, and a couple of side tables in the living room, along with a flat-screen TV. The dining nook has a small wooden table and chairs. Heading to the kitchen, I see it is stocked with the basics—pots and pans, silverware, dishes and glasses, even a coffee maker. I smile. I finally have a place I can call my own.

  I head to the bedrooms. From the looks of the clothes strewn around the first one, my roommate has already claimed it. I head a little further down the hall and into the second bedroom. It’s roughly the same size. There’s a queen-sized bed in the middle of the room, a dresser, a medium closet, and a large window. It’s sunny and cheerful in here and my mood lifts. I’m ready to start my new life and this place looks like somewhere I can feel comfortable and call home.

  Next, I check out the bathroom. It’s tiny, but I don’t have to share, thank goodness. After a quick shower, I’m getting dressed when I hear the door opening. I quickly pull my hair back into a ponytail, eager to finally meet my new roommate. We’ve talked on the phone a couple of times, so I know her name and where she’s from and that she’s a grad student at BU like me.

  “Emma, hi, it’s great to finally meet you!” Leah exclaims when she sees me. She gives me a brief hug and then a big smile. She’s taller than me, with long, ebony hair. She is wispy thin, with large, round dark eyes and a beautiful smile. She looks like a model, not a struggling grad student like me.

  “Hi, it’s great to meet you too. So glad I finally made it!”

  “We’re going to have such a blast in this city! So many cute guys everywhere! You don’t have a boyfriend already, do you?” She’s warm and bubbly and I can tell right away that I’m going to like her.

  “Um, no, I don’t have a boyfriend, really.” I wince inwardly, thinking of Alec and how much I miss him already.

  “You want to go out tonight, check out the local bars?” she asks, unaware of my inner turmoil.

  “Sure . . .” I murmur, hoping she’s not a huge party animal.

  “Don’t worry,” she says, as if reading my mind, “I’m not a crazy girl! I’m just super excited to be living in this city!”

  Her enthusiasm is almost contagious. “Yeah, me too!” I smile. I’ve been looking forward to this move for a long time, too. I try to push the last week out of my mind.

  ****

  Leah and I decide to take the T down to Copley Square since our apartment is a little too far out of downtown to walk. We’re headed to a local bar where she knows the bartender.

  As we enter through the front door, my eyes take a moment to adjust to the dim light. It’s not too fancy, and I instantly feel comfortable in my dark jeans and halter top. The place is crowded with what looks like students, most of whom probably just returned for the start of the new semester.

  We weave our way through the crowd and up to the bar.

  “Hey, Jake!” Leah waves to get the bartender’s attention.

  “Leah! Nice to see you again.” His eyes light up, and I can tell he’s interested in her right away. From the look on her face, she’s into him too. Yeah, now I can see why she was so eager to come out tonight. I check out the bartender and he is hot; I can definitely see the attraction. He’s blond, with a strong jaw and piercing blue eyes. He’s tall, probably 6’4”, with a powerful build; he looks like he could be a bouncer. He’s wearing a tight black T-shirt and jeans and his arms are covered in tattoos that snake down around both wrists.

  “This is my roommate, Emma. She just arrived this afternoon.” Leah has to shout a little to be heard over the crowd.

  “Hi, how’s it going?” Jake flashes me a brilliant smile and lifts his chin at me before turning his full attention back to Leah.

  The chemistry between them is thick, drawing their bodies closer together across the bar, and I wonder how long this has been going on and if they’ve been out on a date yet. I’ll have to get the scoop from Leah later. After ordering a beer, I leave Leah and head to the bathroom. I get glances and smiles from a few cute guys along the way, but I ignore them. I’m not into flirting with anyone tonight. My mind is still on Alec.

  When I return, Leah has snagged us a couple of barstools, and we sit at the bar for a while, chatting with Jake and sipping our beers. The place has a great atmosphere, and Jake tells us about the bands playing on the weekend. Looks like we’ll be coming here regularly.

  When Jake walks down to the other end of the bar to help another customer, I lean over to Leah. “He’s hot, and obviously totally into you.”

  “You think?” she says, smiling widely.

  “Definitely, he can barely keep his eyes off you.”

  “I would love to hook up with him. You think I should ask him out?” She raises her eyebrows and gives a slight frown.

  “Yeah, go for it. From the way he looks at you, I’m surprised he hasn’t made any moves of his own.”

  Her face lights up and she shoots a longing gaze toward Jake.

  My eyelids are getting heavy and I stifle a yawn, suddenly fee
ling the jet lag wash over me. I look at my watch and see that it’s nearly midnight. “I think I’m going to head home, I’m totally beat.”

  “Yeah, sure, get some rest. You mind if I stay without you?” She glances back at Jake and he gives her a devastatingly sexy smile from the other end of the bar.

  “No, stay, have fun, whatever,” I grin at her.

  “Okay, don’t wait up.” Leah smiles mischievously and turns her attention back to the bartender.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  When I wake up, I’m disoriented for a minute and can’t remember where I am. I keep my eyes closed and imagine Alec is here with me. I picture us lying together in the huge hotel bed, the crisp white sheets around us. Alec’s leg and arm thrown across my body in his sleeping embrace. I concentrate hard and can almost feel his warm chest against my cheek and smell his delicious, warm skin. Reluctantly, I open my eyes and return to the present.

  Glancing at the clock on my nightstand, I’m surprised to see it’s past nine in the morning. When I returned from the bar last night I immediately crashed.

  Today is a big day for me. I have an appointment to meet with my dissertation adviser, and it’s also my first day at my new job at the museum. My graduate stipend is just enough to cover my tuition and books, so I need to work to make ends meet. Landing a job at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts was a major feat and I want to make a good first impression.

  I push all thoughts of Alec out of my head in order to focus on today. At least, I try. I can’t help wondering what he’s doing now, if he misses me, if he is thinking of me at all. Automatically, I reach for my phone and check to see if there are any new texts. There is one from Jonathan about meeting up for lunch today, and a couple from some friends back home. But none from Alec. I try not to be disappointed and tell myself he’s busy working. . . . It’s the middle of the night there . . . and so on. But my heart sinks.

  If he really cared, he would be in touch. It was just a fling for him, nothing more. Don’t expect to hear from him again . . .

  I push these depressing thoughts out of my head and get ready for my day. I begin to rummage through my closet in search of the perfect outfit to make me look stylish and professional. I settle for a crisp, red shirtdress, belted at the waist, and a pair of black pumps. I pull my shoulder-length hair up into a loose chignon, and after applying a few coats of mascara, a little blush, and some rose-colored lip gloss, I’m ready.

  Heading down the hall, I peek into Leah’s room and notice that her bed looks unslept-in. I guess things went well with Jake last night. Can’t wait to hear all about it later.

  The sunlight filters into the kitchen. The window doesn’t offer much of a view—basically just the side of a neighboring building. But still, most apartments around here have windowless kitchens, so we’re pretty lucky. My mind drifts as I wait for my coffee to brew. I’m nervous about meeting my new boss and hope my dissertation adviser is going to approve my topic. The fresh coffee smell fills the kitchen and I close my eyes and inhale. God, I love coffee. The sun is shining, and the early September air is still heavy with summer.

  After a couple of cups of coffee and a Greek yogurt with granola, I’m energized and ready to start my day. I grab my bag and phone and head out after leaving Leah a quick note to let her know I’ll be back late this afternoon and maybe we can get dinner together.

  Luckily, the T station is only half a block from the apartment and I catch a train just as I arrive. On the way, I text Jonathan to let him know I’m not going to be able to meet for lunch and will call him later.

  ****

  My morning flies by. I meet with Professor Goslin first. She’s warm and encouraging about my dissertation topic and gives me several good ideas for narrowing the focus and some research possibilities. After my summer in Egypt, I’ve gathered a lot of material on ancient sculpture and am inspired to begin writing. We set a time to meet again next week.

  I stroll around the campus, map in hand, getting a feel for the place and where my classrooms are. I’m only taking two classes this semester—ancient rituals and customs, and a lecture series with Professor Goslin. The campus is bustling with students and I feel right at home here. It’s a beautiful September day and people are out enjoying the last warm days of summer. I check my watch—I don’t have much time to relax.

  After a quick lunch it’s time to head to the museum. It’s not too far from campus and I decide to walk. I’ve been hired as an assistant curator of ancient artifacts. Landing this job is a dream come true for me and I’m pretty sure my time studying in Egypt is what got me the job. It’s only part time, so I will still need to pick up a few waitressing shifts somewhere to make enough money to live on, but still this is a real job in my chosen field and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

  I walk in through the main lobby. It’s a Monday, so the place is pretty deserted. I look down at the letter in my hand; butterflies flit in my stomach and beads of sweat appear on my forehead. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I’ve always been prone to anxiety, and new job situations like this always set it off. I haven’t actually met my new boss in person—I was hired based mostly on the strength of a recommendation from my former professor at college, who happened to be an old friend of the head administrator here. I did a quick phone interview while I was away in Cairo, but that’s it. I received the formal offer of employment letter, which I now clutch in my hand, only a couple of weeks ago, and it clearly stated that this was a provisional offer. I still have to prove myself.

  Still, I know I can do the job—will be great at it, in fact—since this is my passion. I just need to calm down a little. After a couple more deep breaths, I smooth down my dress and walk up to the large map on the entrance wall. I’m familiar with this museum from my many trips here as a child and in college. I quickly find where I need to be and head to the elevators. I will be working two floors below ground level, deep in the bowels of the museum.

  The elevator doors open after a couple of seconds, and when I step in I see it is already occupied. A tall, sandy-haired man steps aside so I can enter. He has a large cart next to him so there’s not much room left for me. I think about waiting for the next one, but I’m already running a little behind and I don’t want to be late. I squeeze in the side and notice the button for the basement floor is already lit.

  I glance over out of the corner of my eye; he is gazing at me with a small smile on his lips and a friendly look in his light blue eyes.

  “Hey, you’re going down—that floor’s for employees only, you know.” His tone is jesting, and I look over at him and smile.

  “Yes, it’s my first day.”

  “Cool, so we’re going to be coworkers. I’m Matt.”

  “Emma. I’m the new assistant curator for ancient artifacts.”

  I can’t help but notice the slight wince that crosses his face. I give him a puzzled look.

  “What’s the matter, you don’t like ancient art?”

  “No, no, that’s not it. It’s just, well, your new boss, he’s kind of . . . um, difficult to work with, shall we say? You’re the third new assistant curator we’ve had in the last six months.” He smiles down at me with pity and I feel the butterflies in my stomach turn into a huge knot. I’m feeling a little nauseous now as well. This is not what I want to hear. I had wondered a little why I’d been hired so quickly and without a formal interview, but I’d been too excited to think about it too much. I mentally shake myself and take a deep, calming breath. I need this job, and a difficult boss is not going to stand in my way.

  Matt touches my shoulder reassuringly.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Everyone else in this department is great.”

  The elevator dings and the doors open. Matt pushes his cart out. “I’ll see you around, Emma. Good luck.” He heads off down the hall to the left.

  “Thanks.” I step out and look around for a minute to get my bearings. Any confidence I had earlier in the day is now gone. The office is at the
end of the hall and the door is shut, so I knock softly. I glance down at the paper in my hand again and it clearly states I am to start today. I knock again, a little louder this time, and then turn the handle and slowly open the door. The room is empty and I step in. I stand there for a few seconds, totally at a loss, when I feel someone behind me. I turn and look into the glaring eyes of my new boss.

  “What are you doing in my office?”

  I have the sinking feeling that this is not going to go well. “Um, I was told to be here today, and I wasn’t sure . . . I didn’t see anyone around. . . .” I trail off, unsure how to continue. He’s still glaring at me, and I’m feeling the beginnings of an anxiety attack coming on.

  “You must be Emma Gardner, my new assistant.” He states this matter-of-factly, and I nod in reply.

  “Well, the first thing you should know, Emma, is that I like my privacy and I don’t take kindly to people barging into my office and nosing around when I’m not here. Understood?”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in, I wasn’t snooping—” This meeting is really not getting off to a good start. I can feel his animosity and I’m not sure what I did to deserve it.

  “Just don’t do it again.” He cuts me off sharply. “You will be working in the Egyptian artifacts room down the hall. You’ve just returned from studying in Cairo, correct?”