Faltering Read online

  Taking my hand, we go inside and he guides me over to the bed and softly pushes me so I fall back, then stretches himself beside me.

  “You feel so good,” he whispers in my ear. He grips the waistband of my shorts and slides them down off my legs, then slowly begins tracing his fingers along the inside of my thigh. When his hand reaches the edge of my panties, he slips one finger inside, running it up and down my slick crease. His breathe hitches for a second and his thumb slowly circles my clit with a gentle pressure. My insides melt completely and I let out a soft moan.

  “I’ve been thinking about doing this all day,” he whispers and then kisses my neck. My body is responding automatically to his expert touch and my self-control is slipping. Reaching down, he grabs the edge of my T-shirt and then pulls it up and over my head in one swift movement. I’m now totally naked except for my panties. Then he juts his leg between mine and parts my legs a little wider. His fingers slide my panties to one side and he keeps the circular rhythm with his thumb going as he slips first one finger and then another inside me. I am wet and whimpering softly in ecstasy.

  “God, you are so sexy,” he says breathlessly, and I can feel his arousal straining against me. The cautious part of my brain is telling me this should stop—this is going to complicate things—but my body is not listening. His touch is electric and I am powerless to push him away. One of his hands cups my full breast and squeezes gently. Then his finger circles my nipple and it hardens instantly.

  “You have the most beautiful breasts,” he whispers into my ear. His breath is warm on my neck, and then he bites my ear, sending an exquisite bolt of pain through me and making me moan louder. “Shhh, don’t make a sound,” he commands, and I have to bite my lower lip to keep from crying out again—he doesn’t let up. He has my body pinned tight against him so I can’t move. His entire hard body pressed against me. His thick erection is pressing into my thigh. Desire floods through me and I no longer care about anything else but him.

  “Please, I can’t take anymore, I want to feel you inside me, now,” I whisper.

  “Oh, no, not yet, I don’t think you’re ready yet,” Alec breathes in my ear.

  “Yes, yes, please,” I beg, practically out of mind with yearning. Just when I think I cannot wait another second, he suddenly stops and flips me over onto my back. He climbs on top of me and spreads my legs wide apart.

  “You feel so good, your skin is so smooth,” he says as he runs his hands up and down my thighs, across my stomach, and over my breasts. I am panting with desire. Even in the darkness of the room, I can make out the smooth bumps of his bare, sculpted chest. I reach up and run my hands across it and down his firm stomach. There is a faint amount of hair dipping down below the waistband of his boxers. My hands continue down and find his hard erection. Alec moans as I slide my hand down it and give a light squeeze. Suddenly, he grabs both of my hands and pushes me back against the mattress, pressing his full weight along my body so I am pinned beneath him again. One of his hands holds both of my wrists above my head, and with his other hand he grabs my hair and tips my head back.

  “Oh, you are driving me crazy,” he whispers in my ear. In one seamless movement he slides out of his pajama bottoms. In the moonlight, I admire his rippling chest muscles and hard, lean body. He is truly a breathtaking sight. Sliding back between my legs, he’s positioned himself just on the edge of my opening. His fingers are massaging my clit with just enough pressure to make me need more.

  “Tell me what you want.” His voice is hot and demanding. I try to move him deeper with my hips but he pins me down and doesn’t let me move. “I want to hear you say it.”

  Desire is burning through me and I’d do anything at this point to feel him inside me. “I—I—want you—now.” I close my eyes, not able to look at him and say the words at the same time. He’s teasing me more now, rubbing his cock back and forth across me, but not giving me what I really want.

  “Open your eyes and look at me.” I comply immediately and when I do, he plunges into me in one long thrust, filling me up to the point where I feel like I might split in half. I can’t stop myself from crying out as he moves inside me at the perfect rhythm, the tension building. I’m going to fall apart at any moment and I won’t be able to stop myself.

  Alec is right there with me. Our eyes lock together as we both head over the edge. The waves of pleasure rush through me as I tighten around him. He cries out my name and then collapses on top of me. We’re both totally spent. We lie like this for a few minutes, him still inside me, the weight of his body on mine, heavy but not crushing. I like the way it feels. I like that he stays close to me instead of moving immediately away. He shifts his position a little, moving onto his side, bringing me with him as he moves. His arms are still wrapped around me and my head is tucked under his chin. I drift off to sleep like this, pressed against him, his body wrapped around mine.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The next morning, we eat a quick breakfast, then head into town to explore. The place is captivating. Luxor was the ancient capital of Egypt, known then as Thebes, and the history buff in me is eating it up. I am thrilled to finally be seeing in person all of the amazing sights I have been reading about for so long. We visit Karnak Temple and look in wonder at the intricately carved statues. We visit the Valley of the Kings, and see the tomb of Tutankhamen, which is surprisingly small and bare, and also the tombs of the sons of Ramses the Great, which are spectacular. We visit the Valley of the Queens and see the tomb of Queen Nefertari, wife of Ramses II. I tell Alec everything I know about the history of the place and he seems fascinated by it all. It’s great to have someone to share my passion with and I’m glad he is with me as we explore the city together.

  We spend a lot of time just walking through the streets, taking in the sights and sounds and strolling through the open-air markets, holding hands. This is a tourist city and we don’t stand out here. Alec is easy to be with, funny and unpretentious. Neither of us feels the need for empty chatter. I am super comfortable around him . . . we just seem to mesh together.

  The day goes by in a flash, and we stroll, hand in hand, back to the hotel, exhausted but content.

  I flop down on the center of the bed, kicking my shoes off. I can’t keep the huge grin off my face as I look over at Alec. “That was the best day ever.”

  His eyes have a glint in them as he walks over to where I am sprawled out on the bed. “I like seeing you happy.” He reaches out for me and we start to kiss. The heat quickly builds between us. “I’d like to make you very happy right now,” he murmurs seductively in my ear. My body thrills at his words. He runs his hand slowly up the inside of my thigh, under my skirt, pressing gently and edging higher until he reaches the edge of my underwear. He keeps his hand on the outside of the fabric, rubbing expertly up and down and moving his thumb in slow circles. I fall back and he lies on top of me, his hand still between my legs. “You are so sexy,” he breathes into my ear.

  He is all over me, his hands running up and down my body. He cups my breast and then brings his lips down to my nipple, circling his tongue around it until it hardens, and then starts to suck harder. I moan softly, unable to keep silent. The things he does to my body with his fingers and tongue leave me throbbing and needy. I feel out of control with desire for him, and there’s nothing he could ask me to do that I would refuse at this point. His physical presence completely dominates me in bed and he seems to relish being in control. I am only too happy to do whatever he wants.

  In one quick move, he flips me over so I’m lying on my stomach, my hands clasped together above my head, held down by one of his hands. He presses himself into me, spreading my thighs with his knees, and he’s solid and thick against me. He slides one hand into my hair and laces his fingers through it, gripping gently but firmly. I’m totally at his mercy and I love it.

  He kisses the back of my neck and breathes into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I writhe beneath him as one hand cups between my legs, a
nd then he slips first one finger in, and then two, sliding them back and forth as his thumb swirls around my clit.

  I’m moaning louder now, squirming against the bed as the friction builds. His breathing picks up and then all at once, his long, hard shaft slams into me in one forceful thrust. I cry out, surprised, but Alec doesn’t give me any chance to recover. Instead, he continues to drive into me, hard, not holding back, again and again. Tension is building and building, and I’m moaning loudly, his hot breath in my air as he urges me on.

  I’m just on the verge when he speeds up his rhythm and sends me over the top, and I cry out his name as I fall apart. He comes right after me with one last thrust.

  Sighing, he lies on his back, one arm wrapped around me. I snuggle into his chest, breathing him in. He dozes off like this, our legs entwined, his hand clutching my waist.

  I’ve got to be careful. I know I’m feeling too much, too soon. That thought runs through my head as I lay tangled up in Alec’s strong, warm arms, my face against his chest. The silky sheet engulfing us both.

  I close my eyes and inhale his clean, masculine scent. The way he looks at me, touches me, the feel of his mouth, its awakening something in me that I’ve never felt before. And I’m worried. Worried I’m not going to be able to say goodbye. Worried I won’t be the same at the end of this.

  But I don’t care. At least not yet. I know there’ll be pain later. When it’s over. But right now I don’t care. The voice in my head is telling me to stop. Get out now. Protect yourself.

  But I can’t. I’m already in too deep.

  I’m already falling.

  ****

  A few days later, we get up early in the morning and take a faluka ride down the Nile. We pass little huts along the river and children splashing in the water. I’m finally sailing down the Nile—I have to pinch myself to believe this is all real. I am really here. My only regret is that Freya can’t be here to experience it with me too.

  I snap picture after picture, trying to capture the beauty and wonder of it. I never want it to end. I would travel with Alec forever. Later, we stop for lunch at one of the many outdoor cafes that line the main street. Alec pulls a thick sketchpad out of his canvas backpack and opens it to a blank page. He studies me carefully for a few seconds and then begins to draw.

  “What are you doing?” I try to peek over at his pad but he tilts it out of my view.

  “You look so beautiful. I want to remember this moment.”

  My heart skips a beat and I smile. “I didn’t know you could draw. I want to see your drawings.”

  “You can look when I’m finished. Now be still.” He can be bossy, but I don’t really mind.

  I sit still and watch him sketch. His fingers move fast across the pad. He glances up at me every so often, taking in every detail. I get a warm feeling in my stomach—I feel so happy and alive being with Alec. He makes me feel like the most important person in the world to him.

  “Don’t fidget, I’m almost finished.” He gives me his slightly crooked grin. Reaching out, he pushes the hair off my face, tucking it behind one ear. His fingers slide down the side of my jaw and lift my chin a little, positioning me just how he wants me. “Stay just like that.” I remain motionless as he continues to sketch. He’s focused on his drawing, looking up and gazing at me and then quickly moving his hand across the page. Finally, he turns his pad to show me. “What do you think? Beautiful, right?”

  “Oh wow, it’s amazing! You are incredible.” His drawing has captured me completely, right down to the love-struck expression on my face. My eyes flick to his as I realize he knows just how much he owns me. The answering look he gives me tells me he is feeling the same way.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The days fly by. All too soon, my time does run out. I get word that my new passport has arrived, and since I have my prepurchased ticket, it’s time to head back to the airport.

  In the back of the SUV, we sit silently, each lost in our own thoughts. We have grown close in such a short amount of time. Neither one of us wants to say goodbye so soon.

  “I can’t believe I’m leaving already. I feel like this trip just started, and at the same time, I feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives.”

  “So why don’t you stay? Stay here with me until I finish up a few things. Then we can take another trip, see some more sights.”

  “But, my plane ticket. . . .” The offer is so tempting. But I’m completely out of money and I don’t want to be totally reliant on Alec.

  “I’ll get you another. We’ll fly home together next month.”

  “I wish I could, Alec. I want to so bad, but—but I can’t. I have a job and school waiting. . . .” My throat is tightening so I don’t say anything else. I don’t want to start crying. I had tried to steel myself against these feelings, knowing it was a short fling going in, but it feels like so much more now.

  Alec reaches out to touch my cheek. “Are you glad you came?”

  I nod my head, not trusting myself to speak.

  “Me too.” He reaches over and pulls me to him, his lips pressing against the top of my head. “You know, I’m only going to be here a few more weeks, a month tops. When I get back to New York, I’d like to see you.”

  “Sure, me too,” I say softly. Really, though, I’m not convinced. Long distance things never work out, do they?

  We pull up to the terminal a little while later, and I get out of the car. Alec comes around to help me with my bags. Inside, the terminal is crowded, and it takes me a couple of minutes to figure out where I am supposed to go. But soon I’m in line and it’s moving quickly. It’s almost my turn to pass through security and head to my gate. Alec can’t stay with me much longer.

  Just before it’s my turn, he pulls me into his arms, enveloping me. “I’m so glad I met you,” he whispers into my ear. “It’s been great. This isn’t goodbye, so don’t cry.”

  Too late. Tears are already streaming down my face. I’m holding in the sobs—I don’t want to end it like this. He lifts my chin up and wipes the tears from my face with his hand. Then he leans in and slowly kisses my cheeks, and then my lips. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him closer, as close as I can get. We kiss passionately while people around us stare, but I don’t care. This is it—the last time I will see him, most likely.

  The security guard is calling me, motioning me forward. It’s time to go. Alec breaks our embrace reluctantly, and I reach down and grab my carry-on bag. The tears are welling up in my eyes again but I smile anyway. He brings two fingers to his lips and then places them on mine, letting them linger for a couple of seconds.

  People behind me are getting impatient. I have to go. I turn, walk through the security gate, and I’m gone.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The flight home is long. Fortunately¸ it’s not crowded; I have an entire row to myself, which is a relief, because I am in no shape to make small talk with a stranger for twelve hours. I press my head against the small window, close my eyes, and wish for sleep.

  When I wake up, it’s almost time to start the descent.

  I feel better after my nap and start to rationalize the last week away. It was fun, but nothing more. . . . My heart contracts. I’m lying to myself.

  But despite my sadness at saying goodbye to Alec, I can’t help but be excited to be back home.

  Moving to Boston has been a dream for me for a long time. I had planned on going to college there, but due to family obligations I was forced to stay close to home and help my mom take care of my younger brother. Now, my brother is off to Northeastern and I’ve been accepted to the graduate art history program at Boston University. This is my chance to leave my past behind and start living the life I’ve always wanted.

  The last week was great, but it’s not going to sidetrack me from living my dreams.

  ****

  When I step through the gate, Jonathan is there waiting for me, waving his hand.

  I smile and hurry over, and he gives
me a friendly hug.

  “Hey, sis, how was your trip?” His blond hair is shaggy and unkempt and I resist the urge to reach out and straighten it. He doesn’t like it when I mother him anymore. Jonathan is younger than me by four and a half years, and I can’t help but feel protective of him.

  “Good. . . . The flight was long and I’m beat.” I give him a smile and we head to the baggage claim area and wait for my luggage.

  Outside, the cool autumn New England air brushes my face. It feels so good after the oppressive desert heat and the stale airplane air. I’m suddenly chilled, wearing just my light tank top, so I reach into my bag for a sweatshirt. I pull out a large, soft navy blue sweater I recognize instantly as Alec’s. It must’ve gotten mixed up with my things when I was packing. Instinctively, I bring it to my face and inhale. Alec’s incredible smell lingers faintly on the material.

  I must look like a moron, standing there smelling a sweater, because when I open my eyes Jonathan is looking at me with his brows furrowed. “What are you doing?”

  “Oh, um, nothing, I just like the smell of the cologne on this sweater.” I quickly shove it back into my bag and pull out my own red, zippered sweatshirt. “Come on, let’s see if we can find a cab.” I quickly change the subject. The last thing I need is to explain my boyfriend troubles to Jonathan. Again.

  He gives me a quizzical look but doesn’t pursue it. Grabbing my heavy bag and slinging it effortlessly over one shoulder, he heads toward the taxi stand.

  ****

  I gaze out the taxi window, taking in the hustle and bustle of the busy city streets. Boston is quite different from Cairo, and I’m thrilled to finally be living in this incredible city. On the sidewalks I see college students, women jogging with baby strollers, and people walking their dogs. We drive down Newbury Street, past several cafés and lots of boutique shops. This is where I’ve always wanted to be. I’d been accepted to both Boston College and Boston University my senior year of high school, but I just couldn’t leave my brother alone in that house to fend for himself. My mother couldn’t be depended on, and Jonathan needed someone to look out for him in his high school years. So I took classes at the local community college and then transferred to the nearby small liberal arts college within driving distance from my grandparents’ house.