Faltering Read online

  He kisses me full and deep, and I groan into his mouth. It doesn’t matter anyway, I can’t get pregnant and I believe Alec. “Okay, yes.” The words barely leave my mouth and he is inside me in one deep slide. I tighten my inner walls around him, and he grows even bigger inside me.

  “Oh God . . . you feel incredible,” he moans as he moves, slowly this time, savoring the experience.

  This second time around is different from the first—less frenzied and more controlled, but just as good. I come apart again, calling out his name. He thrusts hard a couple of times and then stills, his cock pulsing within me.

  Breathing heavily and covered with a layer of sweat, he stays between my legs. We rest like this for a few moments, neither of us moving, fused together, connected. I stroke my fingers lightly down his back and he sighs, his face nestled against my neck. He pulls back slightly and slides out of me, leaving a trail of wetness against my inner thigh. “I’m glad you stayed,” he says, then brushes his lips against mine.

  “Me too,” I reply, and I am.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The morning sun hits my face. I sense that I am alone before I even open my eyes. On the pillow next to me is a note from Alec:

  Had some things to take care of—will bring home lunch. DO NOT DISAPPEAR. —A

  Scenes from last night flicker through my head and a tightness forms in my stomach. Alec has already awoken new feelings in me. Yes, the sex was amazing, but it’s more than that. His tenderness, the sense of security I have with him—those are new to me.

  One thing is crystal clear this morning: spending an entire week with Alec, getting attached, and then leaving knowing I will never see him again is not something I can handle. The pain will be too much and I don’t want to risk my heart again. Not now, when my life is finally heading in the direction I’ve always wanted it to. I can’t afford the distraction.

  My mind made up, I scoop up my clothes and dress quickly so I can be gone before Alec returns. I know I’m not strong enough to leave if he’s here. I grab my bag and slide my feet into my sandals. I feel more than a little foolish to be wearing the same dress as last night, and I hope the same doorman is not downstairs to witness my escape.

  My legs ache as I head for the door and the memory of his body on me, in me, is fresh in my mind. The thought of never seeing him again feels wrong, and a wave of nausea hits me. My heart is screaming at me to stop, turn around, get back in bed and wait for him. I picture his face when he comes home, calls my name, realizes I’ve gone. Will he be angry? Disappointed? Relieved?

  I shake the doubts out of my mind. I’m doing the right thing. Protecting myself.

  I check my phone as I reach the elevator. It’s 11:00 a.m. Just enough time to get back to my dorm and gather my things. The elevator arrives and I get in. It’s empty, thank God.

  I emerge into the lobby and realize I’m far from the university. I’m going to need a cab. Luckily, there is a new doorman from last night and he looks questioningly at me.

  “Uhmm, hi, I need a cab?” I check my phone again nervously. I don’t want a scene if Alec returns early.

  “Of course, there should be one waiting right outside.” He seems unfazed by my appearance and jitteriness. He holds the door open and motions toward the cab parked right in front of the building. I step out the door into the hot morning sun and slip into the back of the cab. I give the driver my dorm’s address and lean back, a sigh of relief escaping my lips.

  I will probably never see Alec again, I realize, and a sudden slice of pain shoots through my heart. I close my eyes and will myself to block it out.

  ****

  The hostel is grimy and mostly deserted. There aren’t many tourists at this time of year and this isn’t the kind of place most people would want to stay, anyway. But with my money almost gone, this place is my only option.

  Except for Alec.

  I push that thought right out of my head. I’ve made the right decision. But I yearn to talk to him, to explain. No, what I need to do is pretend like I never met him, forget he even exists.

  Sitting on the frayed sofa in the common area, I take a big gulp from my water bottle. My phone vibrates again in my pocket and I pull it out. I’ve silenced the ringer because I didn’t want to hear it any more. I glance at the screen: eleven missed calls, seven text messages.

  I shove it back in my pocket and debate whether to respond. A clean break seemed easier when I left, but now I’m having doubts. A bubble of emotion rises up from my belly and sticks in my throat. What is my problem? Why can’t I just enjoy this week and not worry about the consequences?

  I shake my head and glance around. A couple of creepy-looking guys have entered the room and are eyeing me. They’ve obviously caught on that I’m here alone. I look away, not wanting them to see that I've noticed them. But when I look up again, they're still staring openly at me, whispering to each other. I pull down on my sundress and hug my arms across my chest, trying to cover myself as much as possible. Damn, why didn't I wear something looser and more conservative? I suddenly feel overexposed and out of place here.

  I get up and edge past the guys without looking up, then head down the little corridor off to the side that leads to the restrooms. I push open the door leading to the ladies’ room and step in, exhaling loudly. It’s good to be away from those prying eyes.

  I'm leaning down, splashing water on my face, when I’m startled by the creak of the door opening behind me. I glance up and my stomach tightens. The two men have followed me into the bathroom. I glare at them in the mirror. “Hey! This is the ladies’ room, get out of here!” I speak loudly, hoping someone else might hear me.

  Neither says anything as one of them quickly closes the space between the door and the sink, while the other shuts the door and stands in front, blocking my escape.

  I freeze with panic as the first man grabs my wrist with his dirty hand and yanks me around to face him. He is not much taller than me, but his grip is strong and when I struggle he just squeezes tighter and laughs, mumbling something to his friend in a language I don’t understand.

  He shoves me roughly against the sink, pinning one arm behind my back, his body pressed up against mine. The stale smell of cigarettes on his breath invades my nose and I shrink back as far as I can as he leans toward me, a slight sinister smile revealing crooked, stained teeth.

  “No, stop!” I scream and claw at the sweaty man’s face with my free hand. Terror floods through me as he pins my other arm back. I’m no match for his brute strength.

  He presses his legs between mine and I squirm, but he holds me tighter. His fingers start groping, rough and violent.

  “No! Help! God, somebody help me!” I scream again and try biting his arm.

  I close my eyes, knowing my fate. No one is here but us. God, how could I have been so stupid? I brace myself for the inevitable assault but keep kicking and squirming as much as possible. I’m not going down without a fight.

  My attacker raises his arm. Thwack! My head whips back and I taste blood in my mouth.

  “Quiet, bitch, or I kill you!” he shouts in heavily accented English. The tears start streaming down my face and I close my eyes. Oh God, what if I die here?

  As I struggle in vain to get out of his grasp, he shoves one hand up under my dress and grabs my breast, squeezing it roughly, and I cry out in pain. This makes him smile more, and he is pressed up so tight against me that I can feel his hardness pressing into me.

  A wave of nausea hits me and the room starts to blur; tears well up in my eyes. I’m about to scream again, but seeing my intention, he shoves his hand over my mouth, blocking my nose as well, and I struggle to breathe.

  I’m considering biting his hand when the man guarding the door suddenly stumbles forward—the door is being forcefully pushed open.

  Alec is standing in the doorway. His eyes dart from me to the two men, a mixture of fury and concern on his face. The man holding me looks up, his eyes widening in surprise at the intrusi
on, and loosens his grip on me. This gives me the chance to bring my knee up and hit him as hard as I can in the groin. He steps back and doubles over in pain. The other guy who’d been guarding the door scrambles out the open door without looking back at his partner.

  Alec grabs my attacker by the arm and pulls him up, only to punch him hard in the jaw and let him collapse onto the floor at his feet. Then, Alec lifts his foot and kicks the man hard in the gut. The man moans in pain, curling in on himself, not trying to get up. “You piece of shit, you’re gonna pay for this.” Alec’s voice is icy, and the look on his face sends a chill down my spine.

  I sob loudly and Alec turns his head toward me. “Christ, Emma, are you okay?” His voice is gruff with emotion and he takes a few steps toward me, the groaning heap on the floor forgotten for now.

  Tears blur my vision and I shake my head as another sob wrenches through me. Alec’s arms surround me and he pulls me close, one hand stroking the back of my hair. “Shhh, it’s okay, baby, you’re alright now.” His voice calms me and I sink into his chest, taking in long, deep breaths.

  My attacker stirs in the corner and Alec looks up, a murderous look returning to his face.

  “Alec, please, I just want to get out of here.”

  “You’re right. Come on, let’s go.” He grabs my hand and pulls me along until we are back out in the main hostel lobby.

  “Where’s the rest of your stuff?” He takes a quick glance around the dingy room.

  “In my room, down the hall.” I’m numb with shock, my voice monotone.

  “Let’s get it and get out of here. You’re coming home with me.” His tone says there’s not going to be any discussion about it, and I’m relieved. I don’t want to spend another second in this place.

  I head down the short, dimly lit hallway and stop in front of my door. My hands are shaking and I fumble with the key a few times before finally getting it to unlock. I haven’t unpacked yet, so it only takes a couple of minutes to gather my things and leave.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Alec doesn’t say a word during the drive back to his place. I’m grateful for the silence while I try to pull myself together.

  Back in his apartment, Alec heads to the kitchen and opens a bottle of red wine. He hands me a glass and I take a long sip, letting the warmth spread down my throat.

  “I know we need to talk, but before we do, I really need a shower.” I need to wash away the feel of those groping hands on me.

  “Of course, take your time.” He’s studying my face carefully, trying to read my emotions.

  I let the hot water rain down on me for long minutes, soaking my hair and running down my back. I shudder at a flashback of those clawing hands. I have no idea how Alec found me, but I am extremely grateful.

  I lather up my hair, then rinse it out, letting the soap wash away all traces of the day.

  Hanging on the back of the door is a thick terrycloth robe. I hold it up to my nose and inhale. It smells like Alec—sexy and masculine. I slide my arms in and wrap it around myself. It’s huge, but I don’t care; I feel warm and safe in it. I towel dry my hair as best I can and then run a comb through it, letting the damp locks fall down my back.

  I open the door and pad barefoot back into the living room. Alec is sitting on the couch, his head thrown back, his eyes closed. He looks peaceful and beautiful sitting there, and I can’t for the life of me think why I would leave this man.

  “Hi,” I say softly.

  He lifts his head and opens his eyes at the sound of my voice. “Hey. Better now?”

  “Yes, much, thanks.”

  He pats the cushion next to him, so I curl up next to him, tucking my feet underneath me and laying my head on his chest. He kisses the top of my hair and puts his arms around me, hugging me close.

  “When I came home and you were gone, I was pissed at first. I mean, I thought, what the hell, what did I do, why does she keep wanting to leave? And then I was worried. You wouldn’t answer my calls or texts. I knew you didn’t have much money or many options. This isn’t the safest city for a young woman to be in alone. So I called around to every cheap hotel and hostel in the city until I found the one you were registered at. When I walked in and heard you screaming. . . .” He exhales a breath and rubs a hand across his forehead.

  I’m so confused. I close my eyes. This morning I was sure leaving was the right choice, but now I want to be with him as long as I can. “I’m sorry. I messed up,” I whisper. I hug the robe tighter around myself.

  “I just don’t understand. Last night was incredible, and I thought, I guess I thought it was for you, too—”

  “It was, Alec. It was amazing for me too.” I cut him off. I don’t want him to misunderstand. “This probably sounds stupid, but I left because it was so amazing. It’s just—I just don’t want to get hurt.”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt either, Emma. I’m sorry, maybe I pushed you too hard, too fast into this. Look, you can stay here until the whole passport mess is straightened out, no strings attached. We could even take that trip down the Nile you were planning—just as friends. What do you say?”

  Tears come to my eyes. Could we be just friends? The chemistry between is strong and I don’t have a lot of faith that either of us is going to be able to resist it. But I want to give it a try.

  “Okay, let’s start over as friends.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Alec gives me his bed for the night and he sleeps on the couch. It’s strange to be lying in his bed alone when he’s just outside the door, but I tell myself this is good. I need things to move slow.

  I wake up in the morning to the rich smell of coffee. The alarm clock tells me it’s already 11:00, which means I slept for almost twelve hours. I feel good. The memory of yesterday’s attack is fading a little.

  Alec is sitting at the kitchen table, newspaper spread out in front of him, coffee mug in one hand. “Hey, sleepyhead, I was just about to come in there and wake you up.” He looks me up and down, an appreciative sparkle in his eyes.

  “I feel so much better now. Did you sleep okay?” I pour myself a big mug of coffee and sit opposite him.

  “Terrible.” He’s grinning, but guilt over stealing his bed washes over me anyway.

  “So, are you working today?” I’m not sure how much time he plans on spending with me since the whole “let’s be friends” thing. He regards me for a moment in silence, sipping his coffee, and a look of indecision crosses his face.

  “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s take that trip you were planning.”

  ****

  A couple of hours later we’re settled into our sleeper car on a southbound train. Our plan is to rent a car when we get down there and explore some of the more off-the-beaten-path places, following the route of the Nile River and stopping at any interesting spots along the way, with our ultimate destination the ancient cities of Luxor and Aswan. I’m hoping to gather material for my dissertation along the way.

  Alec is dressed casually today in faded jeans and a black T-shirt. A night’s worth of stubble is shading his jaw, and dark aviator glasses hide his eyes. One arm is draped along the back of the seat, and his fingers lightly tap against my shoulder. I mentally kick myself for turning this into a platonic trip.

  I lean back against the leather seat and sigh contentedly. Alec glances over and flashes me a heart-stopping grin.

  The train is traveling swiftly through the desert landscape, the city quickly fading in the distance. It’s going to be a twelve-hour trip. I put my headphones in and turn my attention to the people around us. We appear to be the only tourists, and other passengers occasionally glance our way with curiosity. They all seem to be returning home or perhaps visiting relatives, and there are several families with small children.

  As I gaze around, I wonder what day-to-day life is like for the people on the train. I glance at a young mother. Her head is resting against the window and she is looking out of it while her child snuggles against her, asleep on her lap.
She is about my age, yet our lives are on such different trajectories. Does she ever yearn to escape her life and experience something different, as I’m doing?

  “You look happy,” Alec says, pulling me out of my reverie.

  I smile widely at him. “This is a dream come true for me. After the last few days, I thought for sure I’d be headed home without getting to experience this.”

  Life could not be more perfect at this moment.

  ****

  I’m dozing when the train lurches forward and then comes to a screeching stop. A few minutes go by, and then there is a mumbled announcement on the intercom. Several of the passengers around us begin to gather their things and make to get off the train.

  “What’s going on?” I ask Alec. We’re in the middle of the desert—this is definitely not a scheduled stop. Alec turns and speaks to another passenger and then turns back to me.

  “There’s a mechanical problem with the train. It’s going to be at least a day until it’s repaired. Everyone’s getting off the train.”

  “Oh no, what do you think we should do?” This sucks. Maybe I am not destined to go on this trip after all.

  Alec shrugs his shoulders. “There’s a small town a couple of miles from here. Let’s head there and get some food. We’ll have to spend the night there and then come back tomorrow when the train is fixed.” He doesn’t seem too fazed by this turn of events. “Didn’t you say you wanted an authentic travel experience?” He smiles. “Looks like you’re going to get it.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  We gather our belongings and make our way down the aisle. Most passengers quickly disperse, heading off down the dusty, deserted-looking road, which seems to lead to nowhere. A few huddle around, talking on cell phones.