Faltering Read online

  I swallow hard and my stomach starts to flutter. I’m pretty sure I know what he has in mind.

  He leads me across the room and opens another door. Inside is a huge bathroom with a double steam shower and a giant whirlpool bath. Surrounding the Jacuzzi are dozens of candles.

  “Very romantic,” I say, turning toward him with a smile.

  “I thought you’d like that.” Alec grins.

  Once we finish with the tour of the apartment, we head back out toward the kitchen.

  “You must be hungry; let me make you something to eat.” He pulls out a stool for me at the counter.

  “I am pretty famished,” I agree.

  Alec turns and opens the double doors of the stainless fridge, pulling out several containers along with a carton of eggs. He places them on the counter and then proceeds to start scrambling the eggs and adding various ingredients to the bowl.

  I’m fascinated at this domesticated side I didn’t suspect existed. “You can cook?” He’s finished with his preparations and pours everything into a sizzling pan.

  “Surprised? I’ve got a few hidden talents.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me, and I giggle in response.

  “So, are you going to tell me what the surprise is?”

  Smiling, he says, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Alec shows me all around New York. He grew up here and knows all the secret haunts and out-of-the-way treasures. I insist on seeing the Statue of Liberty to satisfy the tourist in me, but for the most part we just wander the streets and poke around in used bookstores and funky boutiques. He tries to buy me all sorts of things, but I don’t let him, insisting that I don’t want him spending money on me. I finally give in, however, when we find a fabulous pair of earrings in an antique shop.

  After a long day of sightseeing, we head back to Alec’s apartment. We’re both a little worn out, and I’m remembering that big whirlpool tub and how great it would feel. Alec must be reading my mind because he says, “How about sinking into a hot bath?”

  As the water fills up, Alec comes up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders, massaging gently. I sigh; his hands feel so good. We are standing in front of a long mirror, looking at our reflections, as he kisses down my neck and then up again to nibble at my earlobe. I start to turn around so I can wrap myself around him, but he stops me, his hands on my shoulders, holding me in place.

  “Look at yourself in the mirror,” he whispers in my ear. “See how sexy you are.” His hands slowly start to unbutton my blouse, revealing the lacy black bra I’ve bought just for this weekend. I’d like to turn away, but I’m also entranced by the sight of us in the mirror. Alec is gazing intently at me, his eyes dark with desire, as he finishes unbuttoning my blouse and slides off my skirt.

  “You are so beautiful. I want you so much.” He unclasps my bra and cups his hands around my breasts, then moves his hands down my sides to my hips. I am so turned on watching us in the mirror that my legs are starting to weaken, and I reach out and grasp his arm to steady myself. My lacy black panties drop to the floor. Alec is rubbing his hands up and down my body lightly, and every nerve ending is tingling. I want him so bad too.

  Alec backs away a little and leads me over to the tub, now full with steaming water and overflowing with bubbles. He quickly strips off his clothes and gets in, motioning for me to join him.

  The water is hot, almost scalding, and it takes a minute to get used to it. Then it feels wonderful and warm, draining the tension away and leaving me relaxed.

  Alec is behind me, his arms around me, and his hardness is pressing into my back.

  “Lean back and close your eyes.”

  I relax against his chest and his hands, slippery now, move down my body. He traces a line lightly down between my breasts, across my stomach, and stops on my thighs. His hands move to stroke between my legs and I move them apart slightly. The warm, swirling water combined with the motion of his hands already has me on the verge of exploding.

  “Alec,” I breathe, “don’t stop.”

  He doesn’t. Instead he increases the pressure just enough, and with his other hand, caresses my breasts.

  “Come on, baby, let yourself go.”

  His voice at my ear sends me over the edge, and I cry out as waves of pleasure course through me.

  Now it’s his turn, and I turn myself around to face him, straddling his body with my legs.

  Our lips come together, our tongues intertwine, and I dig my hands into his hair. We can’t seem to get close enough. Our bodies yearn to be united.

  “I want to be inside you so bad,” he whispers in a husky voice. His hardness presses against my entrance and my desire builds again.

  I move to position myself right on top of him and he slides in. Gasping at the feel of him, I move up and down, finding the right rhythm. Alec’s hands are on my hips, guiding me, his eyes half closed.

  We’re moving faster, harder, until I’m over the edge again, and Alec cries out too as he lets go.

  Spent now, I let myself sink against him, down into the water. We don’t talk. We both need a minute to recover.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  I’m excited for our big night out. Alec looks so handsome, dressed in a pair of dark dress pants, his crisp white shirt accentuating the hard muscles of his chest. His pale gray tie is secured loosely around his neck. He’s leaning against the side of the bathroom door, watching me put the finishing touches on my hair and makeup. His eyes glow with approval.

  “You are so gorgeous . . . I can’t keep my hands off you.” He comes up behind me and nuzzles my neck.

  I smile at him in the mirror. “You’re pretty hot yourself.”

  So far this weekend has been perfect. We’ve managed to pick up right where we left off in Egypt, everything clicking. We haven’t missed a beat. Alec is so much fun to be around, and the chemistry between us is incredible. I’ve really fallen for him. I’m still hesitant, even though Alec isn’t anything like my old boyfriend, Dean. Alec is honest and straightforward—I can’t imagine him hiding anything from me.

  “Come on, we don’t want to be late.” Alec’s voice pulls me from my thoughts and I turn, ready to go.

  We step out onto the street; Alec’s shiny black car is right in front. He holds the door open for me and I get into the front seat. My short dress slides way up my thighs. Alec comes around and gets in the driver’s side. The car starts with a low purr and Alec turns on some music. The sound is low and pulsing, a band I don’t recognize, but I like it. Alec pulls smoothly out into the city traffic and then glances sideways at me with a smile.

  “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

  My heart does a little flip at his words.

  He slides his fingers along the inside of my thigh, my bare skin exposed. His touch instantly sends a shiver through me and my nipples harden against Leah’s red dress. It’s cut low in the back, and I’m not wearing a bra.

  We drive along, not saying much, just listening to the music. It feels good, just relaxing together. I could get used to this.

  We’re headed to a big art show opening. Alec knows I am a huge fan of the artist, having studied him in school, and he somehow managed to get us an introduction. When I asked him how he had connections to a famous artist, he’d just shrugged and said, “I know some people.”

  We pull up to the entrance and find a spot to park. Before I can open my door, Alec reaches over and undoes my seatbelt. Then he brings his lips right up to my ear and whispers, “Slide your panties off for me. I want to be thinking about how ready for me you are all night.”

  Hearing him say those words sends an instant tingle right down my center. I’m not sure though. . . . My dress is so short, I’m going to feel exposed all night. But having only Alec know about my near-naked state is a definite turn-on. Hesitantly, and feeling a little embarrassed, I slide my panties down and step out of them while Alec eyes me with desire gleaming in his eyes.

 
; He reaches over and slides one hand up under my dress, caressing my inner lips. I moan softly. I can’t help it.

  “You feel so good. I’m not going to be able to concentrate on anything else tonight. I can’t wait to get you back and into my bed.”

  I can’t wait either. Suddenly, the art opening and meeting one of my idols doesn’t seem that thrilling. I just want Alec to keep touching me. He doesn’t though. He pulls away, leaving me throbbing and needy.

  He gets out of the car and comes around to open my door. He takes my hand and helps me out of the car, the perfect gentleman. There’s a gleam in his eyes, though; I know what’s really on his mind. His hand slides down my back and rests just above my butt as he guides me along through the groups of people that have gathered. The crowd around us is buzzing in anticipation of the new exhibit. The artist is well known for his shockingly original openings. Normally I’d be excited too, but right now all I can think about is the wetness between my thighs and Alec’s hand on my back. His fingers are caressing my bare skin.

  I feel flushed and I’m breathing heavily. He is making me crazy with desire. He knows it too, because he looks down at me with a mischievous smile on his face.

  “How are you feeling? Ready to meet the famous artist?” As he says this, his thumb traces along the outside of my dress, caressing my backside.

  I smile shakily back at him. “Stop it, you’re making me crazy!”

  He chuckles and takes my hand, and we head into the gallery.

  The exhibit is incredible, and I’m in awe, meeting my idol. Under normal circumstances, I would be totally focused on the art. But tonight I have a hard time focusing on anything but Alec. He’s been driving me wild all night with his sexy glances and subtle caresses. All I can think about is being alone with him back at his apartment. We’re not there long before he takes my hand and says, “Let’s go. I can’t wait any longer.”

  I don’t argue. Alec drives home fast and practically drags me along behind him as we head inside. As soon as the door closes behind us, he crushes me against the wall and presses his body against mine. His mouth is hot and demanding. He nestles his leg between mine, spreading my thighs apart. His hands slide up under my dress and he pulls it up, exposing me to him.

  I don’t think I can take another second of his assault without falling completely apart.

  “I need you inside me, now.” I say, breathing hard. My yearning for him all night has me desperate for release.

  He quickly undoes his buckle and lets his pants slide down, and then he’s inside me with one hard thrust.

  I cry out—I’m already so close. He pushes into me, hard, not holding back.

  “I’ve been thinking about being inside you all night.” Alec is breathing heavily now too, his thrusts creating a perfect rhythm inside me.

  He pushes inside me one more time and I’m over the edge, crying out his name as the waves of pleasure overtake me. He’s right there with me, calling out my name.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  The next morning is Sunday, and I wake up before Alec does. He’s resting so peacefully that I decide to let him sleep and surprise him with breakfast. I get carefully out of bed, slip on my robe, and head to the kitchen.

  After getting the coffee brewing, I open the fridge and see what’s there. I decide to make cinnamon-orange French toast with bacon, so I gather what I need and start cooking.

  I’m grinning ear to ear. This weekend has gone even better than I expected. Just being around him makes me happy. There is a thump at the front door, and I crack it open to see a newspaper propped against the door. I grab it and return to the kitchen. I take a sip from my coffee and begin to leaf through it. The paper is thick, and as I’m browsing through the engagement/wedding section, something catches my eye.

  Alec and some other woman are staring back at me.

  No . . . It cannot be.

  My heart constricts painfully and I can’t breathe as I read the headline:

  Katharine R. Griffins and Kenneth C. Griffins of Manhattan are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Sydney Anne Griffins, 26, to Alec R. Hawthorne, 28, the son of wealthy New York financier James A. Hawthorne and…

  My eyes blur and I can’t read anymore. I blink and wipe away the tears that have leaked out and then look again at the paper. Alec’s handsome face is staring back at me in black and white. A slight smile graces his face. My eyes dart over the face of the women next to him. She is drop-dead gorgeous, and her beaming smile staring back at me is like a slap in the face.

  He is engaged.

  I’m choking back tears. I cannot believe this is happening. Memories come flooding into my head.

  Dean, who I had thought was the love of my life, had been secretly cheating on me for months. And everyone at my small college, it seemed, had known about it—except for me. I had been looking for something in the back of his closet when I accidentally came across a journal that had been hidden away. Dean’s journal. A secret one he had kept hidden from me. Although I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t stop myself from reading it.

  In it, I found out what he was really doing. How he didn’t really love me. How he was really in love with someone else and just waiting for the right time to leave me.

  I was devastated; I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Most of my so-called friends had known what was going on. I imagined their laughter about my stupidity. Luckily, there were only a couple of weeks left until graduation and I was able to escape for the summer.

  I wanted to forget any of it had even happened. That was why moving to Boston had been such a welcome relief. No one knew me. No one knew about my past, and I could make a new start for myself.

  And then along came Alec. I hadn’t wanted to fall for him. I had sworn off relationships. But I hadn’t been able to help myself. We really connected, and now I’m in love with him.

  What a fool I am! How could I be so stupid again?

  With tears streaming down my face, I quickly gather my things. I have to escape before Alex wakes up. I don’t want to hear his lame excuses and explanations. I can’t bear the pain and humiliation again.

  Forgetting the breakfast still cooking on the stove, I leave as fast as I can. Luckily, the elevator is waiting and empty. My hand shakes as I push the button, and as it descends, my throat begins to tighten and stabbing pains shoot through my chest.

  The doors open and I hurry across the lobby and out onto the street. I bend over, one hand clutching my knee, and suck in huge breaths of air, trying to let them out slowly so I don’t start hyperventilating. A few passersby on the sidewalk give me curious stares, but no one stops. I straighten up quickly, feeling dizzy. My hands are shaking and my heart is racing. The familiar out-of-control sensation of an impending panic attack is setting in, and I try to will my body into being calm, at least until I can get somewhere safe. Please, please, do not fall apart here on the sidewalk!

  I know I don’t have much time before Alec discovers I’m gone and comes looking for me. I can’t let him see me falling apart like this. I just need to keep it together until I get home and can crawl into my apartment and hide. I fumble through my bag and locate the small bottle of Ativan I keep with me in case of emergencies. I quickly swallow one and hope it kicks in fast.

  A cab comes to a stop on the street near me and a businesswoman in a smart navy suit gets out and hands the driver money for the fare through the window.

  Quickly, before the taxi can pull out again, I jump in. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back against the seat, wishing I could disappear.

  “Where to?” I hear a Jamaican accent but I don’t open my eyes, trying to hold in the tears that threaten to spill out.

  “JFK airport.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Back in Boston, I wonder what I’m going to tell Leah. I hope she’s not home, so I can just head to my room and sleep. I really can’t face anyone right now.

  I am still in shock. I can’t believe he is engaged. How coul
d he do this? I really don’t understand. My phone is buzzing and I know it’s Alec without looking. Instead of answering, I turn it off. I can’t bear the sound of his voice right now.

  I put my key in the lock and slowly open the door. It’s quiet and dark and I breathe a sigh of relief. I head for the solace of my room and curl up on my bed, pulling my knees to my chest. I finally let go, and the sobs I’ve been holding in overtake me. I cry until I am so exhausted that I fall asleep.

  When I wake up, it’s dark; the television is on in the other room. Leah must be back. I look at the clock. I’ve been asleep for almost four hours. Alec’s betrayal comes rushing back to me, and I have to choke back the sobs that are trying to consume me once again.

  Without thinking, I reach for my phone and turn it on. Instantly, it starts to ding with all my missed messages. Alec has been calling and texting me all day. I glance briefly at them, then delete them all without reading any. I don’t want to hear his explanations. What could he possibly say that would make any difference?

  Knowing I can’t put off telling Leah any longer, I head out to the living room. She is lounging on the couch and glances up at me.

  “Hey, you’re back. How was the weekend?” A worried look crosses her face. “What’s wrong? What happened? You look terrible.”

  The tears start to well up in my eyes again. “He’s engaged. Alec’s engaged.” I practically choke on the words. “He’s been lying and using me this whole time.” I take several deep breaths to try to calm myself.

  “Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. What a jerk!” Leah gets up off the couch and wraps her arms around me. She tries to console me, telling me I couldn’t have known and I just have to get back out there and meet someone else. Someone like Jake’s cute friend, Kyle.

  I know she means well, but I don’t want to think about trying to have another relationship right now. I’m giving up dating forever.